Befriending Yourself

Do you like yourself?

It is not a secret that there are aspects about ourselves that we don't like. This might include the parts in us that overthink things, procrastinate big and even trivial work, become anxious and insecure, experience jealousy at others' happiness or feel worthless or hopeless. Regardless of how much truth there is to these judgments, there always seems to be something to make us like ourselves just a little less.

A natural consequence of this might be the desire to "stay away" from ourselves. We find ways to distract ourselves from ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it. Finding it really uncomfortable to spend time by yourself, always looking for external stimulation whether it's through other people, entertainment or music, keeping yourself constantly busy (whether or not you actually get things done) are common examples of avoidance behaviour.

Since we are the main characters of our own stories, we tend to fixate on our own flaws or weaknesses to a magnitude beyond what others usually see. Our standards are naturally different when we see others: we judge them based on the sum of what we can see of them: their behaviour. We are not privy to their every thought or feeling, and perhaps having less information and more "distance" allows us to see them as a coherent whole. When it comes to ourselves though, it can be hard being on the inside looking in. We are aware not only of what we portray to others, but also of what we keep within ourselves. It doesn't help that sometimes we don't even know what we're thinking.

It can be complicated to make sense of who we are. But we have ourselves to live with, so that's all the more reason to get to know ourselves better. The truth is, liking yourself doesn't have to be a forceful and difficult journey. It can be really enjoyable, if you're open to accepting you're fallible and that it is in fact normal to be fallible. You could start by simply becoming reacquainted to your tastes, your philosophy, your comfort zone and your support system. Who you were as a child is not who you are now. Go about getting to know yourself anew the way you would get to know somebody you met. Invest your time and energy in rediscovering your personality: What are your likes and dislikes, hopes and fears, thoughts and feelings? Would you be open to trying something new? Are you still afraid of the same things as when you were younger? If you don't set yourself up to match impossible standards and put pressure on yourself to be anything other than what you are, you might actually end up liking yourself more. One thing is for sure; no matter what you find out about yourself, it is bound to be interesting to learn about the protagonist of your story.