Self-Compassion: The Third Act

Self-compassion certainly has a gentle feel to it, but should never be mistaken for a passive state of being. It's a mindful stance we choose consciously, keep practicing and find is quite a radical thought with serious implications if you think about it. Choosing self-compassion is like approaching the third act in a play; it is the moment of reckoning and of resolution, the literal act of confronting the tension created from long before (usually tension that we have played a role in building, consciously or unconsciously) and coming to terms with it. It is radical indeed, because inculcating a pattern of self-care into daily living means choosing to take responsibility for ourselves, our whole selves; things will somehow be different when we start to look into the mirror and see first not a pimply nose or bushy eyebrows but a source of support, acknowledgement of our needs and a welcoming space to be who we are.

The third act is in some ways the most discomfiting, because exploring yourself can bring forth a lot of things, ranging from intrusive ruminations of "what if"s and "why me"s to generous sprinkles of "if only"s and "what I could have been"s. On the other hand, it is also the most liberating because there is something very powerful and cathartic about facing the mess and loving yourself through it.

But how do we concretely engage in self-compassion? Here are some guidelines to acts of self-compassion that you could engage in:

Time to yourself.

We take ourselves for granted and put ourselves on the back-burner too often. This is an important act of self-care that rectifies that, allotting time during the day or week exclusively for yourself. It could be spent in various ways: discovering a new interest, pursuing an old hobby, exploring your feelings in a journal, or even simply spending half an hour in silence with your own thoughts. It does NOT count if you spend this time doing your chores or finishing off other work. This would be uninterrupted time purely for yourself, just being you and doing something that connects with you.

Something new, even if it's a bit scary.

As humans, we naturally put ourselves into boxes and labels like introvert or extrovert or calm or lively, even though there are clearly times and situations when these labels don't really fit. We create our own comfort zone and stay there, happy with the familiar. But the truth is we are naturally changing with time anyway, we just don't often realize that we are. Attempt different things that appeal to you or scare you like public speaking, even just as a challenge. You could still turn out to be bad at it, but it doesn't define you, as no one thing does. On the other hand, you may have found something new to connect with. You are neither just this nor just that, so explore!

Assertive and authentic communication.

One of the reasons it is hard to change certain existing patterns is because of other parts of our lives such changes may affect, such as the way people (including our loved ones) see us or treat us. It may shake up existing dynamics, and that will likely be yet another by-product of change, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is where developing assertiveness becomes really handy: the ability to gently yet firmly stand our own ground. Practically speaking, this could mean any of the following or more: asking for time alone as and when necessary, not saying yes when internally you wish no, and being as compassionate towards yourself as to a friend.

In conclusion, self-compassion is a state of being, but it also involves conscious action towards it. Start the practice of being there for yourself. Be scared but dive in. Let the third act commence.