Self-Compassion v/s Narcissism

What makes self-compassion different from narcissism.

People hear the word self-compassion and sometimes mistake it for selfishness or narcissism. This could not be further from the truth. In fact, according to research done by Dr. Kristin Neff who coined the term 'self-compassion', self-compassion is in reality an antidote to narcissism. What this means is that self-compassion and narcissism are related, just not in the way one might assume.

Narcissism refers to a personality trait characterized by a sense of grandiosity, feelings of entitlement and lack of empathy. This has been found to be associated with people who have high self-esteem. However, the problem lies in the fact that it is not stable, and is instead quite fragile. Hence, even if they view themselves very positively, they need constant validation from others or an urge to degrade others to maintain their self-proclaimed superiority.

Self-compassion is not a compulsion to be extra-ordinary or superior. Rather, it is a way of relating to yourself as being human and deserving of compassion, regardless of your status in front of others. While narcissism is divisive in that there is always another person to be better than, self-compassion relies on interconnectedness and common humanity that sees suffering and weakness as a part of life that no one truly escapes. Narcissism relies to some extent on how other people view you, but self-compassion isn't about whether other people admire you or not; it is about whether you can treat yourself with balanced mindfulness instead of harsh criticism.

Although narcissism sounds like a largely negative trait, it stems from places that most of us can probably relate to: a need to be accepted, appreciated and acknowledged; fear of judgment and rejection and a societal space that frowns on anything less-than-perfect. Narcissism seems to make out of us the very thing we fear. We sneer at the insecurities and imperfections that make us human. This is where self-compassion is an antidote; by relating to yourself with compassion, you can see a stable sense of self-esteem that is no longer fragile because it isn't conditional on impossible standards set by yourself, friends or society.

It is not selfish to learn how to be there for yourself. It is not self-indulgence to give yourself a break when you need it. It is not self-centred to devote time to your emotional needs. Being self-compassionate is about creating a healthy relationship with yourself. It is not conditional like narcissism, because you don't need to be (or be perceived to be) something "better" in order to be loved. Self-compassion allows you to have a safe space within yourself that you don't have to jump through hoops to reach. You can feel alright as you are.